Wing Spans of Time

#TBT to when @shinskysinger & I spent the whole day location scouting for @colettemillerwingsproject Global Angel Wings Project throughout the city of Los Angeles.  I had an analogous thought occur to me- not that humans can innately fly, but if we could, perhaps it might be likened to learning how to ride a bike.  That in the course of being able to take off & land, there would be many falls & stumbles along the way before one could learn to master balancing themselves consistently upright.

& in many ways, transitions are similar- I've transitioned 7 times this year & each time, it's taken successes & failures to normalize to the my surroundings.  & in 2 weeks, the biggest transition thus far of my life will arrive-my student life will cease to exist.  I will be moving from school into bi-vocational work & many have asked- why both ministry & pharmacy? 

So for those curious- For what I've known all my life, even after encountering what it meant to a life in accordance to my faith & relationship with Jesus, was about doing what others wanted, needed, & approved of from me.

Not knowing how to evaluate if I even bought into the decisions myself, I would just walk into it with a tension of fear & conflict of interest.  & in my experience- although I don’t regret pursuing pharmacy, & it is still important to me, I wish I had gone about it differently, from a place of strength and not out of fear.

As the tension grew to become a greater splinter in my soul & mind, the Lord was continuing to restructure my heart & desires in His accurate timing.  At so many points, I really thought pharmacy school was going to swallow me whole, but God was faithful.  Though I never knew what I wanted & I'm still in a journey of figuring it out, for now- I realized that what was a natural affinity for me was ministry.  What I want is to be involved in caring for people holistically- both in their spiritual & physical well-being.

While I am still learning how it will look for me in reality, what is more important is learning how to trust in the reasons of why I believe in what I do, despite what others think.  Learning not just to react out of fear & going into commitments just because there is a need, but really coming from a place of strength, making decisions that entail the next best step, that are not defined by external opinions/circumstances.

In this final year, I've learned how to be honest & true with myself w/ wanting to do ministry & yet not giving up on pharmacy right out of the gate. I’m continuing to learn how to say yes to the right things for myself by learning how to say no.  & as I continue to journey, friends, I invite each & every one of you to come alongside me in this process & my hope is that my discovery may encourage you in yours.